My New Television Hit

Anybody watch Naked and Afraid? Kirk and I are hooked on that show. I’m not sure what it is about watching naked people survive in the wilderness that is addicting. Not the nakedness, that’s for sure.

I couldn’t last on the show–not like I would even try. My idea of surviving in the wilderness is camping in the backyard. Things get wild out there. Owls hoot at crazy hours of the night, my dog decides he wants a midnight snack of his extremely dry and crunchy food, and the cats suddenly decide they hate each other.

Of course I’ve been camping in areas outside my own backyard. Like a friend’s backyard. Things are just as crazy.

You might think that, since I live in such a rural area, I might know a thing or two about…well, anything. Not true. I knew nothing of survival techniques except don’t drink unfiltered water (which might save my life if I end up somewhere like Mexico where water is dangerous unless bottled).

But now, thanks to Naked and Afraid, I know the very basic techniques for starting a fire. Have I tried? Nope. Would I fail? Absolutely. But I’ve seen them do it on the show with a bow drill a few times. The daunting thing is that they’re pros and still can’t do it sometimes. There’s no hope for a newbie like me.

And don’t even get me started on hunting. I would end up being one of those vegetarians that are on the show, except that I don’t know which plants are safe to eat and which aren’t. I guess I wouldn’t eat for 21 days. That’s rough.

So besides lacking the basic skills for survival, there is something else. I hate walking barefoot outside. I got stung by a bee on the bottom of my foot once when I was little and it scarred me for life. Those people go in all sorts of crazy areas with thorns and other sharp objects so you know they get stuff poking all up in their feet. Nope, not me. Not happening.

And of course I wouldn’t be walking around naked. Let’s not even get started on that.

But if I was to be on the show and–pretend, shall we?–I knew a thing or two about surviving in the wild,  it would be called Clothed and Afraid. Because I’m just that cool. Or lame.

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