Moody Phones

My phone won’t talk to me. I think it must hate me. Either that, or it assumes I’m literate enough to read its response (which I imagine takes on a smart-aleck tone if spoken). In my mind, it says, “You’re a writer. Read THIS!”

I don’t have an iPhone, so it’s not like Siri is being PMS-y. Mine is an LG, which I love. But when I watch commercials, it shows people asking Google (which I guess is my phone’s mascot) questions and Google speaking to them. When I try, Google gets moody. I’ve been a faithful user of the search engine for many years, but I guess that doesn’t matter.

Aside from my phone not speaking to me, it’s also outdated and I only got it a few months ago. They have just released the newer version of my phone (maybe Google talks on that one). That explains why mine was so cheap when I upgraded from the basic phone I had for two and a half years.

Yes, this is my first smartphone. Yes, I’m aware that the year is 2015.

I’ve also had trouble with the GPS talking to me. Well, at least when it’s set as a woman’s voice. The man’s voice will talk all day. The woman says, “I don’t care how lost you get. Figure it out yourself.”

Come to think of it, Google’s voice on those commercials sounds feminine. Maybe that’s my trouble. All electronic devices are stuck on the PMS setting when they use a woman’s voice.


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